twilight

Its Twilight once more
Tears masqurrade
Behind a hidden door
Of moonlit Shadows
casting sin
On the first heart
That lets them in
Thoughts devour
Hopes and dreams
For nothing is ever
As it seems
In the stillness
Of the lifeless air
Truth Wraps around her
In a cloak of despair...

Shine

Thoughts run wild
Heart yearns to be free
yet somehow this man
has a hold on me....

I cling to myself
or else my light will dim
will my love run away
from what lies within?

To be who he wants
there is a price to be paid
so instead of looking up to the sun
you hide yourself in the shade

until one day,
something will awake
and no matter what you do
the feeling doesn't shake

So you start to come out
and let yourself shine
and you run so fast
leave it all behind

Though you are alone
with a broken heart
you now have hope
passion and a spark

For never let that dull
or the light in your eyes
fade into someone else
behind a smiles disguise

Shine bright, shine high
be strong be proud
never hide who you are
cry out and yell loud

Create and dream
set your passions free
and when you look in the mirror
say "today I wil be me!"

Peace....

So much sadness in my life
I wish that I had cried
Instead my pain was trapped
until my heart had froze inside

words that sliced through my heart
deeply scarring my trusting soul
I wanted to run so far away
but somehow I just couldn't go

each day I grew stronger
until I wanted to scream
your power over me is over
and I will go and live my dream

but dreams were all they were
lost in my own self doubt
tunnels and roads leading nowhere
for there seemed no way to get out

Yet escape was there waiting
when the fear of staying became to much
and a tender, caring spirit
held my hand with a tender touch

He said, "please come with me
trust and I will show you love
you don't belong down here
you need to soar above"

So I took his hand and held it
said goodbye to a world unkind
let the pain bleed out slowly
as I left the hurt behind.

To be a survivor....

"To be a survivor–first you must bleed. You bleed all that was inside of you: the pain, the memories, the fear, the wounds fusing together, the ties to what was in, all its forms. You bleed not once but several times.. And when you are empty, you either fade into a shadow or find the strength, and courage to live. When you stand up again, you are for a time, hollow–empty, like a bottle of beer lying on the street, cracked and reeking of its bitter contents. Then you fill yourself up with the new, your recreate yourself–you reform. You don’t have the same heart or mind. The way you see the world is forever changed." Written by Lynn Mari (The Last Straw)

I love this quote!! I can relate to it entirely and after being in abusive situation for many years...this is a perfect description of the journey in which you must endure in order to find yourself again.  You WILL find yourself again though and the last line..the last line is exactly what happens..you are different but not in a bad way.  You are different in away that gives you almost an extra sense.  You are stronger and wiser, more cautious.  You may not have the same heart but you are left with a strong heart, a heart that can endure a lot. One day, when that special person comes along you will be able to love them but with less innocence..you will never give your all again. You will always have a tiny piece that you reserve that noone..absolutely noone will ever be able to touch again.  That piece of heart is what you reserve for yourself and will get you through anything. 

There are so many people out there..like vultures..just waiting to fly down and take whatever scraps of trust and goodness you have left in you.  They don't know though..that you are no longer prey, you are not waiting helplessly, you are not vulnerable..no, not anymore.  If they try and they will..the outcome will be very surprising and they will find out quickly that you were not only expecting them but ready to fight back. 

So, to the abusers, the liars, the vultures out there..thinking that they will be able to just swoop down and grab their prey..then to do whatever they want, say whatever they want..just try.  That little mouse or small defenseless animal you are trying to capture...may not be what you think they are...        

Shadows Cast Beneath the Moon...

Eternity is forever
yet some flames burn out to soon
leaving us in blackened darkness
shadows cast beneath the moon

Love wraps itself around us
but it is neither friend nor foe
something much more mysterious
than the mind could ever know

It can carve scars in our soul
as deep as canyons in a valley
leave the heart a cavernous cave
spirit lost in a blind, dark alley

and the only truth, our only truth
lies somewhere in between
what once was real and true
and a future yet unforeseen

and in the denseness of the foggy midst
through the swirls of ominous gray
we walk an unchosen path called fate
and try to find our way..

then one starry, hopeful night
the sky illuminated by a large white balloon
the sillhouette of two lovers appear
as shadows cast beneath the moon....

I will miss you

A warm breeze blows
and I feel your spirit around me
bringing me a sense of peace
love and comfort cradle me

The pain aches
the emptiness a void
but I hear your voice
and it touches my soul

for I know you are not gone
the spirit does not die
but remains always
teaching, showing, guiding

and in the darkness of the night
when I feel alone
your words speak to me
and guide me to rest

Sometimes I awake
tears falling gently down my cheek
anger takes over
for for it is not fair that you are gone

After helping so many
doing such good in the world
saving lives, touching lives
while sacrificing your own.

Suddenly a voice speaks
and says to me
"his job  here is done"
God needs him in heaven now

For he is the angel he was meant to be
and from above will guide us
and like a shining star in the night sky
his light will forever remain in our hearts.

My Dearest Uncle

Dear Uncle Larry,

Tonight I sit here and I feel you with me.  A few hours ago I said goodbye to you.   Goodbye for now.  I know someday I will see you again.  You were a man of so much faith and taught me so many valuable lessons.  You taught me to live a simple but full life.  You taught me to take life one day at a time.  You gave of yourself selflessly to so many people! You were and always will be so, so loved. 

About five weeks ago you were diagnosed with cancer. You never complained not once.  You faced it like the brave man you have always been.  Many years ago you were one of the first people to get a liver bi-pass.  You weren't supposed to live long, nobody really expected it.  I'm not surprised that you lived 35 more years. You were meant to be here and make a difference in lives and you did.  You saved so many lives, you were a loyal friend, loving brother, uncle and father.

Earlier today you friends were sharing stories of you.  They told me a story of you getting into a car accident.  It was the other persons fault..a woman.  You went up to her to make sure she was okay and apologized.  She said it was her fault and was all upset.  The police came and you took the blame because you felt bad for her.  Your insurance went up but you didn't care.  You spent many holidays  helping the less fortunate.  That was who you were. 

I am blessed that I got to say goodbye and spend some time with you.  You weren't here long enough but while you were here..you made such a difference.  Your life was not in vain.  You will be missed so much but I find comfort in knowing you are now at peace.  You are with the angels now and I know you will guide us and watch out for us from above. 

Thank you so much for being the uncle that you were to me. ~ Love always, Your Princess