June 22, 2011

Last night I was chatting with one of my oldest and truest friends on the phone.  After we hung up, I couldn't help but think of how lucky and blessed I am to be surrounded by such positive, inspiring and wonderful people.  My friend and I don't talk often and barely see each other these days.  Life has a way of filling our days and weeks so much that when we blink, months have gone by.  We both understand this though and know that if it we ever needed each other..in a moment..we would be there.  That is what friendship should be..easy, drama free.

I also got to thinking about how much my life has changed.  If you asked me 10 years ago where I would be today, my answer would have been a LOT different than how things have turned out.  So many years of my life were spent trapped, sad, trying to fix others and just struggling day by day.  I was surviving but not LIVING.  I honestly could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The day I had the strength to finally end my relationship with my ex was the beginning of great things to come.  Immediately a weight was lifted off of me and the feeling of freedom was the best feeling I had ever felt.  Mentally and emotionally it took me YEARS to undo all the damage he had done.  I could do things MY way, things did not have to be PERFECT and I wasn't walking on egg shells anymore. 

The next step was finding ME.  It has been a journey and I am still finding me but it has been so unbelievably eye-opening that it is hard to describe in words.  From childhood, parents tend to kind of label their children...she is the "shy" one or whatever.  Come to find out..all the labels I have been living by...really weren't me at all!! So I broke through them and let the real me come out.

My friends...the most important role. The love and support from my family and friends have been unbelievable.  Through the years with my ex I was cut off from my friends..not just by him..but by me.  I was embarrased and sad all the time and didn't want to deal with the questioning, etc.  Still, many of my friends stood by me.  Facebook came along and I got in touch with old friends. There are nothing like old friends that knew you back when..and they have become gold coins in the treasure chest of my life. 

It took some time but I finally have opened up my heart..to love friendship and the possibility that I could and deserve to be happy.  I feel like a caged bird that has finally been set free and all I want to do is experience LIFE.  I look at it from brand new eyes and what a feeling that is!  It's almost as If I am awakening from a coma and I have to relearn everything.  I am loving every minute of it.

I still have work to do...I am still working on my self-esteem and not being afraid but I have come so far!! What more can I ask of myself.  Angels have come into my life..each with a new lesson...each touching my heart in their own special way.  Doors are opening and yet some are closing but I am no longer afraid.  I look to the future with a calmness and positivity.  I know now, in my heart that things will be ok..things will work out however they are supposed to.  I am so grateful for all I have and what I don't have...I don't need in my life. :)