Tuesday, August 16, 2011


So much sadness in my life
I wish that I had cried
Instead my pain was trapped
until my heart had froze inside

words that sliced through my heart
deeply scarring my trusting soul
I wanted to run so far away
but somehow I just couldn't go

each day I grew stronger
until I wanted to scream
your power over me is over
and I will go and live my dream

but dreams were all they were
lost in my own self doubt
tunnels and roads leading nowhere
for there seemed no way to get out

Yet escape was there waiting
when the fear of staying became to much
and a tender, caring spirit
held my hand with a tender touch

He said, "please come with me
trust and I will show you love
you don't belong down here
you need to soar above"

So I took his hand and held it
said goodbye to a world unkind
let the pain bleed out slowly
as I left the hurt behind.

To be a survivor....

"To be a survivor–first you must bleed. You bleed all that was inside of you: the pain, the memories, the fear, the wounds fusing together, the ties to what was in, all its forms. You bleed not once but several times.. And when you are empty, you either fade into a shadow or find the strength, and courage to live. When you stand up again, you are for a time, hollow–empty, like a bottle of beer lying on the street, cracked and reeking of its bitter contents. Then you fill yourself up with the new, your recreate yourself–you reform. You don’t have the same heart or mind. The way you see the world is forever changed." Written by Lynn Mari (The Last Straw)

I love this quote!! I can relate to it entirely and after being in abusive situation for many years...this is a perfect description of the journey in which you must endure in order to find yourself again.  You WILL find yourself again though and the last line..the last line is exactly what happens..you are different but not in a bad way.  You are different in away that gives you almost an extra sense.  You are stronger and wiser, more cautious.  You may not have the same heart but you are left with a strong heart, a heart that can endure a lot. One day, when that special person comes along you will be able to love them but with less innocence..you will never give your all again. You will always have a tiny piece that you reserve that noone..absolutely noone will ever be able to touch again.  That piece of heart is what you reserve for yourself and will get you through anything. 

There are so many people out there..like vultures..just waiting to fly down and take whatever scraps of trust and goodness you have left in you.  They don't know though..that you are no longer prey, you are not waiting helplessly, you are not vulnerable..no, not anymore.  If they try and they will..the outcome will be very surprising and they will find out quickly that you were not only expecting them but ready to fight back. 

So, to the abusers, the liars, the vultures out there..thinking that they will be able to just swoop down and grab their prey..then to do whatever they want, say whatever they want..just try.  That little mouse or small defenseless animal you are trying to capture...may not be what you think they are...        

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Shadows Cast Beneath the Moon...

Eternity is forever
yet some flames burn out to soon
leaving us in blackened darkness
shadows cast beneath the moon

Love wraps itself around us
but it is neither friend nor foe
something much more mysterious
than the mind could ever know

It can carve scars in our soul
as deep as canyons in a valley
leave the heart a cavernous cave
spirit lost in a blind, dark alley

and the only truth, our only truth
lies somewhere in between
what once was real and true
and a future yet unforeseen

and in the denseness of the foggy midst
through the swirls of ominous gray
we walk an unchosen path called fate
and try to find our way..

then one starry, hopeful night
the sky illuminated by a large white balloon
the sillhouette of two lovers appear
as shadows cast beneath the moon....