"To be a survivor–first you must bleed. You bleed all that was inside of you: the pain, the memories, the fear, the wounds fusing together, the ties to what was in, all its forms. You bleed not once but several times.. And when you are empty, you either fade into a shadow or find the strength, and courage to live. When you stand up again, you are for a time, hollow–empty, like a bottle of beer lying on the street, cracked and reeking of its bitter contents. Then you fill yourself up with the new, your recreate yourself–you reform. You don’t have the same heart or mind. The way you see the world is forever changed." Written by Lynn Mari (The Last Straw)
I love this quote!! I can relate to it entirely and after being in abusive situation for many years...this is a perfect description of the journey in which you must endure in order to find yourself again. You WILL find yourself again though and the last line..the last line is exactly what happens..you are different but not in a bad way. You are different in away that gives you almost an extra sense. You are stronger and wiser, more cautious. You may not have the same heart but you are left with a strong heart, a heart that can endure a lot. One day, when that special person comes along you will be able to love them but with less innocence..you will never give your all again. You will always have a tiny piece that you reserve that noone..absolutely noone will ever be able to touch again. That piece of heart is what you reserve for yourself and will get you through anything.
There are so many people out there..like vultures..just waiting to fly down and take whatever scraps of trust and goodness you have left in you. They don't know though..that you are no longer prey, you are not waiting helplessly, you are not vulnerable..no, not anymore. If they try and they will..the outcome will be very surprising and they will find out quickly that you were not only expecting them but ready to fight back.
So, to the abusers, the liars, the vultures out there..thinking that they will be able to just swoop down and grab their prey..then to do whatever they want, say whatever they want..just try. That little mouse or small defenseless animal you are trying to capture...may not be what you think they are...